Koshira’s Note: Meep Meep Dasha Desu~ I hope everyone really enjoyed the most recent chapter. Hopefully by the time this one is posted I'm done applying to colleges. I would really just like to thank everyone who has been supportive through this difficult time and thanks to all of those who have supported this fanfic. Hope you guys like it and if you really like it FEED MEH. Dasha likes nothing more in the world than free tasty foods~ nom~ Oh also… I’m sorry Dominic and Andy this was written before the #dandy fic and so I just included it…. too late now~ Techivita’s Note: Hello… erm… I don’t think anyone reads these things but I’ll just say stuff anyway. If you don’t actually read these things… well I’m disappointed, but it’s not like you’ll know. Anyway, I’m glad you liked the last chapter and thanks for the support guys! Sorry for taking around 2 months to actually get this thing out. Life has gotten busier with concerts, exams and crap ton of projects so yea... I don’t really know what to say, mostly because this chapter was mostly done by Koshira, so I can’t really say much about it... So anyways enjoy!
Chapter 4 – In the Midst of Bright Lights, I Walk As Though I Were A Shadow
Written by Katasu1996 and Techivita
Dasha started to choke on a fish ball as Amberley watched the frantic scene from across the table, slowly consuming her drink as Dasha had begun making a frantic scene by overreacting and making a fool of herself. Evelyn face-palmed, her cheeks burning a bright pink as she contemplated her life choices and her existence in general. It was a conference day, so the three friends were in Yaya’s, buying tea and udon, among other snacks; however, today was not quite the typical day…
“Oh god I’m so stressed right now! How could you confess to him yesterday and only tell us NOW!?” Dasha yelled at Evelyn as she rubbed her eyes, stained with tears from the excessive choking. Evelyn slunk lower into her hoodie, trying to ignore Dasha’s scolding by gazing off into the distance.
Amberley gave Dasha a judgemental stare. Sure, she had been shocked at first, but she was too blasé to care about anything for longer than a couple of seconds. Not to mention the topics like this were aggravatingly dreadful, not only for her but probably for Evelyn as well. Dasha continued to hit her head over and over again against the table as the people in Yaya’s began to stare, wide-eyed at the girl who was probably going to give herself brain damage.
“Goodness Dasha! Calm down!” Amberley huffed, sipping the last of her tea. “You’re attracting unwanted attention!”
Dasha stopped smacking herself, and slumped over to the side of her chair as she watched Amberley get the food that the three had ordered before. The other onlookers turned away, resuming to their own conversations as Amberley settled the tray down, with all the delicious goods, onto the table. Dasha then hastily grabbed an onigiri and began devouring it.
“You do know you would be fat if you didn’t exercise right…” Evelyn muttered, as she took her order of udon and began sipping the warm miso broth.
“Please, been there done that. That’s what gym memberships are for.” Dasha replied, her eyes twinkling with happiness as she began to devour a second riceball.
“I don’t gain weight so…” Amber inserted smugly, giving a huge smirk to the other two as she began to slowly unwrap a riceball herself.
“Okay Amber we didn’t ask. Goodness…” Dasha retorted, glaring with jealousy at the others.
The three ate silently for a while, avoiding the topic that they had been fretting over before. They listened quietly as the radio above played K-Pop and American Pop music, not fitting the mood of what they had been discussing before. The room was filled with laughter and gibberish from the other tables and sometimes the occasional shouts from the cashier trying to deliver everyone else’s orders. The trio forgot their troubles for a while until Dasha had finally finished her food, smiling with satisfaction. She turned to Evelyn, her eyes gleaming with excitement.
“So… What did he say?”
Evelyn grew silent and stopped eating, a doleful expression creeping onto her face.
Amberley ceased her eating as well, interested in what Evelyn had to say.
“Well…” Evelyn started, pushing away her somewhat untouched food, “He patted my head… and said thank you…” Evelyn stated, shying away to avoid eye contact from the other two.
Dasha’s jaw dropped, a shocked expression plastering her face, while Amberley gave a confused and somewhat skeptical look. There was silence between the three as they processed the newly acquired information. Evelyn closed her eyes and sighed, replaying the memory in her mind, only to be interrupted by Dasha’s soft mumbling.
“iron ke gateun ke saekki-“
“Dasha.” Amberley scolded, putting up her hands to stop Dasha from saying any more. “If you’re going to curse, at least do it in english. Only I can understand what you’re saying right now. We get it. Jerk move.”
Dasha slumped down into her chair, crossing her arms in defeat as she pondered on the dilemma.
“Josh is too freaking nice…” she sighed “and Evelyn, according to the color of your cheeks you obviously don’t understand what a terrible answer that was.”
Evelyn wasn’t really listening to either of them. She put her head on the table and crossed her arms, trying to block out any sound that were emitting from her two friends.
“Okay… Well he didn’t reject you,” Amber pointed out, resuming to eat her food.
“But… He didn’t ask me out either…” Evelyn mumbled through the arms of her sweater.
Dasha pulled out her phone, placing it in the middle of the table.
“We need a mercenary. Who wants to call Surat?”
It had caused him a lot of strife, but some how Surat had managed to convince his parents to let him stay home for the day. His mom and dad would probably never talk to him again after the fight they had, but he didn’t care. He had spent half the morning brushing his teeth, trying to erase the sensation of Alex’s mouth locked in his; trying to forget his tongue movements…
Surat gargled and spit, concluding that his mouth would never feel clean again. He slunk back over to his room and slammed the door shut. No one would hear anyway; his parents had gone to work. At least no one would bother hi-
His phone began blasting Ariana Grande music. Surat groaned, not wanting any contact from the outside world. He languidly reached for it, not really wanting to actually answer the call. Currently, he just wanted to sulk and forget of all of his troubles from the previous days. He was also feared that Alex was calling and he was definitely not in the mood to talk to him at the moment.
But, then again… What if it were Josh?
The idea of talking to Josh appealed to him. Hearing his voice once more after all this time…
Surat quickly answered the call, not checking to see who was calling.
Surat cringed as he heard the overbearing high pitched voice buzzing in his ear. It was Dasha calling, out of all people…
“Don’t what me. Be a good puppy.”
“Pero like… I’m not your dog.”
“You’re not Spanish. What’s wrong with your voice? Oh and you’re on speaker. Say hi Evelyn! Amber is here too.”
The sound of the phone getting dragged across the table and the small muffled voices from the other two friends filled Surat’s ears.
“Surat just ignore Dasha,” Amberley said, as he heard the sound of wood scraping across the phone’s receiver.
Surat groaned as he listened to the phone getting dragged and fought over by the three friends. He didn’t want to be bothered by anyone, let alone these three. He felt as if the whole world was crashing down on him, burying him in the rubble of pain and fear. He was sick of everything. Every person, every sound, every smell, everything. He needed to tell someone of his troubles, yet was Dasha really the person to tell?
“Dasha… Dasha are you listening?” Surat squeaked, his voice trembling as he awaited an answer from the other end.
Suddenly, there was silence on the other end, save for a few small murmurs he couldn’t quite comprehend.
“You’ve never sounded like that over the phone before… Do you want me to call Gail? We’ll come over.” Dasha said, concern coating her voice.
Surat felt tears welling up in his eyes. He couldn’t take it anymore. He felt as if he was stuck in a gaping void he could not escape. He needed to tell someone. Anyone.
“Like I don’t even know what to feel,” Surat sniffled, tears slipping down his cheeks. “S-So what happened was…”
Long after his conversation on the phone, Surat heard the loud buzz of the doorbell. He slowly climbed out of his comfortable and warm bed and lumbered to the front door to be greeted with the faces of an exasperated Dasha and Gail.
“Yo if I see him I will cut a-“
“GAIL!!!” Surat cried out with glee as he hugged her, happy to see his mother figure in his time of tumult. Surat let the two in and led them up to his bedroom, letting Dasha and Gail become comfortable in the somewhat tense atmosphere. The three were silent until Surat finally shut the door behind him.
“Okay so let me get it straight. You’re saying that he just put his lips on yours?! WHAT THE FUCK.” Gail exclaimed, her voice echoing in the spacious room they resided in.
“Can you hold back your inner black woman for a minute please? I’m feeling a lot of inner turmoil right now….” Dasha muttered, holding her head in her hands as she tried to process all of the things that were going on in her mind.
“WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY DASHA?” Gail snapped, shooting a death glare towards Dasha.
Dasha looked drearily into the distance. What was she supposed to think? Alex had kissed Surat, Surat resisted him, and now he was scarred from the experience. Let alone the whole thing was basically a form of rape, but whey to Surat? The little adorable puppy Surat that should have never been scarred with such a traumatic experience such as this. However, the worst part was not of Surat’s incident, it was the fact that Surat had feelings for Josh. There had always been a possibility that Josh was a homosexual. She kept this in mind even during the first day when she met him. However, the fact that he was actually gay just made her even more confused than she was before. Literally, almost every girl she knew liked him. To make matters worse, his overly friendly nature usually gave everyone the wrong impression. What was she going to do about Evelyn?
“Pero like, what do I do about this situation…” Surat said after a few minutes of silence.
“What can you do? You have to go to school….” Dasha sighed, sitting up against the headboard of Surat’s bed.
“But I don’t wanna!” Surat exclaimed burying his head into his pillow.
Gail hit Surat lightly on the head and glared at him.
“But… Alex…” Surat pouted as he burrowed himself into the covers, only peeking up out in order to see what the other two said.
“Whatever Surat we’ll take care of it,” Gail said as she gently patted Surat’s head, as he whined and burrowed deeper into his covers.
“And how are we going to do that?” Dasha said skeptically. Gail gave Dasha a creepy smile; a Loki-like smile that could shoot fear in the hearts of millions of people.
Josh hadn’t seen Surat today. Was he okay? Wait- why should he even care? Surat shouldn’t be important to him anymore. He had Alex apparently…
Josh slumped his backpack over his shoulders, and dragged himself out the building. The winds of the cold spring day brushed by him as he kept to his thoughts. Surat. Surat. That’s all that went through his mind. He shouldn’t keep his mind on Surat. If Surat loved someone else then he should just leave him be. Yes forgetting him would be the right thing to do.
Another pressing matter also rushed through his mind. He didn’t see Evelyn since she confessed to him several days ago. Maybe she was avoiding him because of that. All he could do was pat her head and say thank you. What else could he say? He didn’t want to shock her by telling her he was gay, even though she basically shipped gay couples all the time. This was no Frostpudding or Johnlock or some other television show romance. This was real life! This was a completely different situation! At the same time, he couldn’t reject her for any other reason either. He felt bad for her, and after all, she had been really sincere. He didn’t know how he felt anymore. Josh combed his fingers through his hair in frustration, breathing out a mist of air in the cold weather. He just didn’t know anymore…
Josh turned around to see Victoria bouncing cheerily from the distance. She quickly ran up to him, her face beaming with a large and cheery smile.
“Hey! You seem kinda down… What’s up?”
“You know. Life.” Josh smiled and shrugged.
“Are you sure?” Victoria said suspiciously, “You can tell me, I’m totes filled with advice if you need any!” she chirped, skipping slightly as Josh slowly strolled beside her.
Josh wasn’t really sure if Victoria was the one to talk to about his problems. For one, he didn’t really know her that well. However, she was one of Evelyn’s close friends so maybe speaking to her could give him a bit of advice.
“Um…” Josh started, stuffing his hands into his pockets “Well… I kind of like some-“
“OMG! TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME!”
Josh shushed her and Victoria looked at him curiously. He sighed and began spilling out his story and Evelyn’s confession to him. Victoria listened intently, examining his every word and every expression Josh gave her. She squealed and awed with happiness when he got up to Evelyn’s confession, as if she was reacting to a romantic drama. However, Josh felt as if the burdens of his situation were slightly lifted from his shoulders. He sighed once again when he finished his story, waiting intently for Victoria’s advice.
“I mean, Josh, you’re not in a relationship right now right?” Victoria said, a serious expression dominating her face.
“I mean, no but…” Josh said, burying his face into his coat while thoughts of Surat flashed through his mind.
“Then I think you should give Evelyn a shot!!! You don’t know this bit Evelyn has liked you for a long time. But you know her. She’s pessimistic, and doesn’t understand how amazing she is and how many guys like her. She’s pretty, sings really well, and is bright, yet kinda loopy. I think she’s perfect for you! It seems kind of sad for you to reject her without giving it a try. You know?” Victoria said, a shimmer of hope in her voice.
Josh couldn’t reply to her. He knew Evelyn was a cool girl and liked hanging out with her. It was clear that a lot of guys wouldn’t mind to receive a love confession from her, but the problem stood that his heart was with Surat right now, even though Surat seemed to not feel the same way. Perhaps if Evelyn had confessed sooner things would be different. But as of now, Josh knew his feelings lied with Surat. Was it okay to date Evelyn with such feelings? Even though Surat didn’t feel the same way?
“I- I’ll think about it…” Josh finally replied after a long period of silence.
“Oh my gosh yay!” Victoria squealed, her face brightening with joy. “I’ll talk to you later, ‘kay? I have to go to skating practice!”
Josh waved as he watched Victoria dash off towards the train. When she disappeared from his field of view he leaned onto the green railing of the train station entrance as he dazed off into the distant sky, melting from the crisp blue it once was to a warm purple, pink and orange. He listened to the ever passing cars and people, all of them rushing to get home to conclude their hectic and tiresome day. Tomorrow was another day, a future that was hopefully brighter now that his troubles were lifted from his shoulders.
It was a new day at LaGuardia High School, home to the ratchet and hipsters alike. Alex sat alone at the table today eating a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich and some cardboard food that the school gave out. Matthew was skipping school due to a physics test he wasn’t prepared for and Evelyn had been missing since last week. He slowly took another bite into his sandwich and began playing “Geometry Dash” until he heard a voice shouting his name.
He looked up to see Dasha, wearing her pink cat ears and a tall girl with strong features and a long ponytail who Alex had never seen before. The other girl wore blue jeans and a doge galaxy shirt adorned with a cap with the word “selfie” scrolled across it.
“What?” Alex replied, slightly annoyed that he was almost done with completing level 9 before they interrupted him.
“You need to come to the staircase with us. We need to talk.” Dasha said with an irritated tone. What she was irritated for Alex didn’t know. However, the taller girl’s stare began to make his skin crawl so he obeyed and followed them to stairwell A. Once the doors slammed shut behind them, the other two turned and glared at him with a stare that bore through his skin.
“Are you crazy!? Forcing your lips on Surat?! Don’t you know that he likes someone else!? What were you thinking!?” Dasha exclaimed, her face turning red.
Alex sighed, rubbing his forehead. How they knew about that incident was unexplainable, but now he was going to have to deal with two raging juniors who cared a tad bit too much for Surat’s well being.
“I get that you’re upset but why is she here?”
The tall girl glared at him as he stepped closer, making Alex stiffen up considerably.
“Excuse you, ‘she’ has a name. It’s Gail. And I’m Surat’s Mom okay?”
“Um you look kind of young to be his mom…” Alex replied quietly, not wanting to enrage her anymore than she already was.
Gail rolled her eyes and leaned against the railing, contemplating the boy’s intelligence.
“Whatever. What matters right now is that you’ve done something terrible to Surat. If you liked him you should have just confessed. Now he’s all confused, stressed and unhappy just because you did that to him. Plus he hasn’t even gone to school for the past few days and his parents are furious about it! Don’t you feel any remorse for distressing the person you cared for the most?”
“He caused me distress first! He’s the one who made me feel like this in the first place!” Alex spat back, an angry yet guilty expression glazing over his dark brown eyes.
Gail scoffed, positioning herself to kick Alex in the groin, however Dasha held her back, suddenly feeling pity for the boy. The bells rang overhead, signaling the end of first period. Dasha shook her head, still holding onto Gail’s wrist as the latter still wriggled to get free.
“Gail, go. You’ll be late.” Dasha sighed, letting go of Gail’s wrist once she had calmed down.
Gail glared at her and then toward Alex. After a few minutes of intense staring, Gail turned, her long ponytail smacking Alex’s face, and stormed off towards her next class. The other two glanced towards the floor, the late bell blaring from the speakers above them.
“Do you have anything else to say? I have to go to class.” Alex said quietly, shuffling his feet in anticipation.
Dasha sighed and shook her head.
“Alex… Just know this. Forcing yourself on someone, being angry at someone, hatred and envy; that’s not love. Love is wanting someone to be happy. Wanting them to be happy no matter who they’re with or what choice they make. Wishing the best for that person, smiling because that person smiles… That’s love. What you’re doing right now doesn’t show that you like Surat at all. It’s not love you feel for him anymore. It’s obsession. Just know that.”
Dasha turned her back on him, following where Gail once was and left Alex standing in the empty stairwell. Alex just stood there thinking to himself, the echoes of students rushing to their class bouncing off the walls of the stairway. What he felt for Surat was obsession? That’s impossible, Dasha didn’t understand him at all. She was just saying nonsense to trip up his feelings. His heart pounded like a taiko drum whenever he was around Surat. His heart fluttered whenever he heard his name. Surat’s smile instantly brightened up his day every time he saw it. That was definitely love. Obsession? Hah. A likely story.
Dominic walked slowly towards his voice class, nonchalantly walking through the hallways as the 8th period bell rang. In the corner of his eye he spotted his best friend, Andy Torres, strolling towards him.
“Sup?” Dominic said, clasping hands with Andy.
“Yo so did you hear about-“
“Yeah I heard…” Dominic interrupted, his eyes casting away from Andy’s. The hall was relatively empty today, so the two could speak frankly with each other; however, Dominic didn’t really want to talk about what Andy was trying to bring up.
“You should just tell Surat,” Andy commented, staring at Dominic longingly. “Just like I told you.”
Dominic winced at the thought of confessing his love to Surat. Surat liked Josh so there was no possible way Surat would say yes to his request. Dominic looked into the distance, remembering the time when Andy’s confessed to him. He was so shocked that Andy even had feelings for him, however he had to reject him because he just didn’t feel the same way he did. Andy’s feelings for him didn’t change their friendship. They were still bros, no matter what.
“Nah. I’m not gonna. I just want Surat to be happy. Even if its with Josh…” Dominic finally said after a long period of silence between the two.
“You know I’ll support you no matter what. Don’t forget, I’m always beside you.” Andy said, patting his friend on the back.
“Thanks man.” Dominic replied quietly, his lips curled slightly to form a small smile.
“Ohhh myyy gooosh!”
Dominic jumped back at Surat’s voice as Andy backed away from his friend, his expression filled with pity. If only Dominic liked him, things would be different and they would be happy together.
“Agh! Pero like I’m not ready for today’s test.” Surat whined. Andy could see the visible effect Surat had on him. It hurt that he couldn’t do for Dominic that Surat did; making him feel happier and more joyful. He wasn’t as kind as Dominic was. As much as he wanted him to be happy, he would rather have Dominic for himself…
The bell rang, and the unhappy trio walked into voice class, all of them broken hearted for their seemingly unrequited endeavors.
Luckily for Surat, he hadn’t seen Alex since the kissing incident. Whether by fate or just Alex intentionally avoiding him, he didn’t know or care, but at least he didn’t have to confront the monster he now saw in his nightmares. On that same note, he hadn’t seen Josh either, and he had become increasingly more worried that their awkward situation at the nurses office had caused Josh to avoid him at every possible moment. He wanted to tell Josh everything, from what happened to Alex to his feelings about him… He missed him so much.
Occasionally he would touch his fingers to his lips, remembering the tension between the two as Josh leaned in to kiss him the day they were in the nurse’s office. Surat wished Josh had just done it. No, he should’ve been the one to kiss Josh. There was so much he wanted to tell him…
Surat buried his head into his red coat, pushing his glasses upward to prevent them from falling. He kept his head down and kept ignoring the world as he sorted through his thoughts.
“So… Evelyn, I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said.”
Surat stopped and quickly skittered behind a large pillar when he heard Josh’s voice. He peered around the column seeing Josh and Evelyn standing in front of each other, the light bouncing off of them through the large glass windows behind them. What were they doing here? They should have left a long while ago.
Surat turned around and grabbed Dominic behind the pillar, who had come from who knows where, making frantic signs with his hands mouthing to Dominic to be quiet. Dominic nodded, and looked over Surat’s shoulder, also noticing Josh and Evelyn in the distance. Dominic had never really met Evelyn, but he had heard of her from different friends of his, like Alex C. and Dasha, but what was she doing here with Josh
“Um, it’s okay I know you don’t feel the same way-” Evelyn started, turning away to walk down the stairwell until Josh suddenly being cut off by Josh grabbing her hand.
“I’m going to be honest with you.” Josh began, a look of determination and timidness in his eyes “There was a guy I liked. I liked him a lot. I’m not sure if I’m straight or gay or bi or whatever. I don’t care about that. I only care about sincerely having feelings for someone.”
Josh paused once again, looking down towards the floor trying to gather his thoughts. Evelyn just looked at him, bewildered and confused as to why Josh was trying to communicate this information to her in the first place.
“I can’t promise you that I will like you as much as you like me. I can’t promise you that we’ll be happy or that we’ll never fight. I can’t promise you anything. But I’ll try my best. I will try to make you happy when you’re with me…”
In the distance, Surat hit his head on the wall they were hiding behind trying to stifle his sobs as he watched the scene in front of him. Dominic’s heart felt as if it had been ripped apart, knowing how unhappy Surat was going to be for weeks to come.
“Evelyn, will you go out with me?”